Website update

Well an interesting summer so far. Have managed to secure a permanent job at the University (Southampton) for 2 days a week which is very exciting as it will allow me to fund all my training whilst not being too onerous a committment.

I have finished my Nutritional Medicine course - at least as far as I am concerned- having done 8 modules and therefore getting a diploma (rather than the MSc I was originally going to do). Just have to await the results to make sure I made the grade. I have also signed up for my next course in Advanced Clinical Massage at Jing - a college in Brighton which fuses Eastern and Western techniques. I start in September.

So, have been trying to get back into developing my businesses- namely the massage and the gardening. Today being a day off for me I decided to devote this to updating my personal website http://patriciaworby.info/. This is the site where I detail all the information I have been gleaning from my various studies - Nutritional Medicine, etc and bring it all together with my massage practice. I am beginning to pick up more clients again through contacts at the university and it feels really exciting. I have also offered my services to members of harbour lights, our local Picturehouse cinema. Despite reservations that 'I'm not good enough' or no-one will want my services I decided to go ahead anyway. And, personally I have met someone very lovely and so, despite a few initial setbacks, I am now in a relationship again which feels right.

August is a quiet month in the gardening year funnily enough as most people are away and hence projects are quiet. I am sure it will pick up again in the autumn. This gives me time to devote to marketing, social networking and other important topics. Thankfully I am fully restored to health so am able to do all this.
I notice it is already getting autumnal with spiders webs everywhere when I went for my run this morning. Ah well that's as it should be - the cycle of nature and all. I look forward the change of season but am hoping we will have a few nice days yet - it's still August after all.

Finally, a date for my surgery

After weeks and months of waiting, interminable appointments and tests, I have a date for my procedure of the 1st March. Whilst I am not looking forward to going into hospital (it is the first time since I was 7 nearly 40 years ago), I am relieved finally that something is to be done. It is truly a weight off my mind as I hadn't realised how much uncertainty brings you down. It is a few weeks away now, but at least I now and, somehow that makes dealing with the discomfort easier.
The results of my MRI showed multiple fibroids, 3 of which are large and pressing on other organs which would explain the discomfort. According to my consultant this is not unusual they are often found in groups. He is confident they will all be treated at the same time with the embolisation and should shrink to 50% within 3 months. This would be a great relief and might mean i can get into my jeans for the first time in a while. Currently it feels like being a couple of months pregnant and unfortunately this means everything is a bit of a squeeze.
I was shown a diagram of the procedure and given plenty of time to ask questions. I cannot fault the team at Southampton General Hospital, they were kind, courteous and efficient as much as it is possible within a system that creaks at the hinges. Embolisation is not common, they only do 2 a week (I suspect as many women opt for hysterectomy not realising how debilitating this is and what the long-term effects may be - not just infertility but early menopause, and decreased sexual response). I wanted to remain intact if at all possible and have chosen this method as I will be able to return to work in 2 weeks rather than the 3 months recommended for hysterectomy. Interesting.

It is not the best timing, I was hoping for a February appointment but my consultant is away at the end of the  month as it's half term and I suspect he's taking a holiday. I will possibly miss my next module of the Nutritional Medicine course which is annoying as it's one I missed 2 years ago as it was oversubscribed and I will have to wait another 2 years for it to come round. I am still hoping for an earlier cancellation however so we'll see.

Life goes on, it's remarkable how many different phases I have been through in the last few months. It's like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's stages of grief. Denial, anger, resignation etc. I am at peace for  the first time in months. Something is going to be done, they don't think there'll be a problem and I am perfectly healthy apart from this (blood pressure, oxygen saturation all good). So, we'll see, in the meantime I have to prepare my body with plenty of green juices and superfoods, rest and relaxation. I will also need to support myself in the healing afterwards with vitamins and minerals.

It's definitely been a learning curve.

Post-Christmas blues

Hi warriors. It's been a strange Christmas blighted by the death (or 'passing on' as some euphemistically say) of two people, one a friend, the other a relative. Both were men in their 70's so perhaps you could say they had a 'good innings' but my sadness is still very real. It is those of us left behind who suffer their loss. The first to go was my ex-father-in-law who had become a real friend to me in recent years, who was so gentle and quietly supportive without ever interfering that I came to rely on his email missives which would always be sent back at times when I needed it. The last I saw of him was in the summer, when on my annual visit, we did the usual things of going shopping, eating a meal out and getting told off by the police. Well perhaps the last is not that usual but it is an endearing memory I will have of him of being ticked off by a well-meaning female police-officer who thought I should take more care of the poor chap. She obviously thought his mind was going as he'd lost a wallet and assumed, I think, that I had more influence than I, in fact, had. We laughed about it afterwards for quite a while. So, I know that I can carry those memories with me, though they will never substitute for him they are at least a subtle connection to his spirit which I do believe is still around somewhere.

My uncle I barely knew to be fair but I'm sad for my mother (whose brother it was) and his family who I can imagine are very sad at this point. Having lost my own father many years ago (when I was 19) I still remember the shock and sadness of that time. Time heals it is said but in my experience it just numbs you til you are ready to do the real work of healing and that takes effort and skills. Mine has only just begun really and it was over 25 years ago.

So, anyway my thoughts have been with loss but also with my own health which, as you know, has had a few shake-ups this year. 2010 began with a suspected skin cancer which turned out to be a wart which fell off within a few weeks, and now continues with a large fibroid which it seems I have been developing quietly (asymptomatically) over the last year. It has eventually made itself known by growing so large I could not avoid it and took myself to my GP in October. She was so worried she immediately sent me for blood tests, scans and the like and, though the diagnosis is not so worrying as she obviously first suspected (nothing was expressly said but her urgency said it all), it is a benign tumour nonetheless.

Now, as you know, my interest and specialism is cancer so I guess you could say this is all learning for me, of the deepest kind. I know I don't have cancer at this point but I do know my body is out of balance. Fibroids are related to oestrogen dominance (as are some forms of breast and prostate cancer) so evidently something is out of whack. I have been through the usual forms of self-enquiry - is it my childlessness (one of the predisposing factors), is it my use of soymilk (a phytoestrogen) or some unresolved emotional conflict from my past? However, you look at it there is some work to be done. I have got over the initial shock and am focussing on both conventional and more holisitic treatments. I am signed up for a procedure called embolisation which fires little pellets of an inert substance into the artery supplying the uterus which aims to block the blood supply to the fibroid and cause it to shrink. But I am also castor oil packing (soaked on a cloth and applied with heat to the body), taking proteolytic enzymes (fibroids are largely composed of fibrin, a protein so these enzymes should help to break it down), Di-indole methionine (a natural product of cruciferous vegetables) and herbs to help my body regain its balance. I also had a very powerful acupuncture session in a dream (don't laugh, this was as real an experience as one in so-called 'reality'). I do mean to follow it up with another one in this dimension but haven't found the right person yet. I have had a colonic irrigation and a liver cleanse to clear the chanels of elimination. And much mindfulness meditation and some EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which I have found released a lot of fear around a new relationship and my sexuality.

Clearly there is a lot more to do. 2011 will be a year where I continue to connect with my body, learn what it is trying to tell me and heal myself. I will also see what conventional medicine has to offer - this procedure is clearly very clever and ingenious but what of the long-term effects of blocking the blood supply? This is something I will be enquiring when I go for my next check-up. It is an intruiging and complex story, I am only grafeful to be given the chance to explore it. So, goodbye 2010 and to those we have lost. Good healing to you all in 2011.

Back to the land of the employed

Well it had to come to an end at some point. Finally secured myself some paid employment outside of my two business ventures; a part-time (2 days a week) Research Manager job at Southampton University. It will be good to start the new academic year with some new impetus and direction. it's all very well being freelance and I have greatly enjoyed the time I have spent studying massage, naturopathy and nutrition (which I intend to continue) and the gardening but it doesn't pay the bills! With winter fast approaching the idea of spending every day working from home is not so appealing, I find by mid-morning I am absolutely freezing. As the university is 3 miles away it's easily reached by bike so it'll be part of my daily exercise routine as well. Talking of which, I have been running every morning (a little 10 min jog round the local common). Nothing much to speak of but surprisingly, little and often seems to show real benefits. My theory is that if you don't perceive it as a chore you are more likely to do it and so I've not made it too onerous. I have to say though i've not turned into the bionic woman I have certainly noticed the difference with my legs feeling lighter and stronger and my energy levels raised. Am trying to 'practice what I preach' and make exercise a part of my daily life.

My next idea is to learn EFT and Meridian therapy and to this end I have signed up for a Practitioner course. If you don't know what this is then check out the web - it's a type of energy therapy that involves tapping along various points in the body to clear emotional blockages such as phobias, anxiety, etc. Sounds bizarre I know but it's gaining credence in psychiatric circles as it seems to act on the subconscious directly by distracting the conscious brain (with sensory stimuli). In order to practice I have to work on myself first and this will be an important part of my training. I have one phobia which is spiders but that's quite a common one. However, I also have some strange resistance around success and marketing myself which I've always known and wondered why this is. I love to learn new skills but when it comes to selling them i always falter. This is something I would love to look at. Wish me luck!

Have been juicing almost every day too - again trying to make it a regular routine. Finding good combinations is an artform a bit like cookery. My favourite so far is spinach, banana and orange juice but a close second (and more like a dessert) is rice milk, blackcurrant and cocoa powder (you could use raw cacao for a more healthy alternative). Yum! Making them tasty is SO important. I made one today which just wasn't up to snuff and then had to throw half of it away as I couldn't face it!

Finally am reading some wonderful books which I ordered off the internet and are broadening my knowledge of health and wellbeing; one I highly recommend is 'French women don't get fat' which is a wonderful antidote to all those awful diet books where restriction and guilt force you to give up the pleasure of eating to lose a few pounds and then put it all back on again (plus a few more!) when you stop the diet. This is about gradual weight loss through intelligent choices, regaining the joy of preparing and eating real food and realigning your relationship with food. It's a thoroughly enlightening and inspirational read by someone who has done it herself (and lost 3 stone in the process). She makes the valid point that a lot of diet books are written by men (Atkins anyone) for women (who make up the vast majority of the market) without realising the huge differences between men and women (both metabolically and psychologically). Women eat food for lots of reasons besides hunger, a lot of to do with emotional comfort. Another book that tackled this was 'Beyond Chocolate' which I found similarly positive and woman-centred.

Also, and seemingly unrelated, I am reading 'Healing beyond the Body' by Larry Dossey which looks at the links between unresolved emotion and illness, and 'Rethinking Pasteur's Germ Theory' by Nancy Appleton which argues against the idea that disease is caused by external forces against which we are helpless. I've only got to the first chapter but already am thinking how right she is that this has fed straight into the current medical paradigm of being passive consumers of modern medicine (= pharmacological drugs) rather than empowered creators of our own health. The subtitle of the book is 'How to maintain your Optimal Health' and I am looking forward to this part as I have long been a proponent of Optimum Nutrition since I read Patrick Holford's book almost 10 years ago. That book blew me away and it looks like this one may take the argument a little further without the underlying 'buy my supplement' approach.

Have also got into 'Making a Forest Garden' by Patrick Whitefield a classic permaculture book which, as readers of my previous blog will know, is one of my other passions in life. Ah, so many books so little time. A quick poke of my head outside the back to door to pluck some homegrown rocket from my raised bed, got soaked in the incessant rain but still a joy to see my tomatoes, beans, courgettes and leaves all enjoying a good soaking. So, you see not just reading about it but doing it too. That's the learning really.

Bye for now