The scar that won't heal

Today is a very important day. It's the day after I uploaded my book to Kindle - a year's work and a very intense year it's been. Not only did it take a year's writing to get the 85K words, but then there's the proofing (thanks to the stalwart efforts of a friend), references and booklists to compile, getting someone to write the forward and so on. The book was actually written about 2 months ago but all the rest took a long time to complete.

During this time of writing and fretting, I've also been struggling with some personal issues which has entailed me getting quite anxious in a way that hasn't occurred since my last bout of depression 15 years ago. Initially all was going well but sometime around August my clinic (which is a conservatory at the back of my house) developed a leak. After heavy rain a stain would slowly make its way from the corner of the room and fill the air with the smell of damp plaster until it dried out again with the sun. Now, under normal conditions I would just call in the builder who erected it and demand reparations. But he is not to be found.. And I have no written guarantee despite months of requesting it. Beware a builder who can't/won't respond to your requests for things in writing!

So I called in another builder who has painstakingly worked backwards from the most likely cause to the least, repairing and making 'good' various badly done bits from flashing to the roof. After each repair comes the hope, then dashed after the next rainstorm. Finally this last weekend I admitted to myself my reaction has been so extreme, that I need therapy. I can't sleep when rain is due, my guts churn, my chest feels tight. I can't sit still, or eat for worry - and it feels like a personal attack when that stain comes back time after time..

So, of course it's no co-incidence then that my book is called The Scar the won't Heal; Stress Trauma and Unresolved Emotion in Chronic Disease'. Perhaps in the writing of it, I have touched upon some of my most painful memories, including the death of my father at 19. In EMDR (Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) therapy this week, it was this that came up. My feelings of abandonment when he died, and that I was somehow responsible. How strange! I know logically this isn't true but my emotional brain believes it, and the issue of fixing the leak has become a cipher for what I couldn't achieve 30 years ago. I had no control then and I have none now.  And both things seem to threaten my sense of self in a way that sounds ridiculous but nevertheless that's how my body is reading it.

So, it's really been a case of 'healer heal thyself' and I have tried to see this time as an important reminder of how illogical emotional memory formation is and how it affects us in later life if triggered. Which is exactly what my book is about - and how this can translate into anxiety, depression and chronic pain, IBS, TMJ, etc. So the universe has given me another swift kick up the backside to look at myself and deal with my stuff so I am in a better position to help others deal with theirs. Onwards people. Oh and please god I get the leak mended soon. Driving me crazy. Literally.

Highly Sensitive People and Business

As I've nearly finished reading the Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron (and what  a great book it is!) I thought I'd put my thoughts down about how this relates to me (definitely an HSP) and those of us who are working as therapists, counsellors, health workers, etc. It seems to me that most of us are that category of easily over-aroused people who therefore prefer to be our own boss, having quiet time away from the hubbub, and avoiding the strident dominant types who tend to run corporations and, increasingly these days, public life (including service sector and local government, education, etc), According to Elaine, about 20% of people are born this way, and the only way they can survive and thrive is to create an environment that fits this personality style. Well, I seem to have done that.
Working with clients is a very introspective process, but as we need people it is also a chance to contribute and make a difference in life without the over-stimulation that high pressure sales, or self-promotion that entails.

However the downside to this I've found is  though we're very good at the therapy bit, we're less confident around marketing and promotion which we largely leave to others or completely. Hence there are a lot of us out there seeing maybe 3-10 clients a week, making do. If, like me you're also running a small therapy business then maybe you'll recognise the following scenario:
You know you're rubbish at the marketing. you want more clients but you hope they'll just come to you. You see an ad for 'how to market your therapy business/ conquer social media/ find your inner salesperson and you sign up. you do the study for a while, you apply a few of the ideas (which are usually sound) but, because they put you in the uncomfortable position of being 'out there' selling yourself, you soon lapse and fall back into your own routine. Another course wasted. And of course there is no shortage of courses...

It seems to me that there are lots of 'A-type' driven people out there selling courses for how to be more like them to those of us sensitives who know we can't do it. After my last course (about the 8th!) I vowed to do no more. It's not that I don't think it's a good idea to focus more on marketing myself. I just struggle because it's not 'me'. It feels all wrong. I try but it  comes over as inauthentic and that's how I am perceived. So, I've decided I'm not going to do it their way. I'm going to write a book, do my PhD and develop myself steadily, with focus but no rush. It saddens me to think there's so many of us therapists out there doing good work but most of us feel inadequate in some way cos were not out there selling our latest juicing package or social media marketing techniques. And yet, we do ok. Truth to tell, we don't want to be seeing 40 clients a week like the courses tell us we should be. We want to do what we do but not to overstimulate ourselves with sales targets and radio interviews and accolades. I say that knowing that there are some therapists out there who do and good luck to them. I see them making great headway, helping more people, that's great. But I have to accept who I am, not because I don't want to get better or improve my lot, but I don't want to do it their way. I want to do it mine. Slow but steady.

My Book nearly completed and musings on Virgina Woolf, Amy Winehouse and the nature of trauma.

As I near the completion of my soon-to-be-published book 'The scar that won't heal'; healing everyday trauma and unresolved emotion', I realise I have learnt to  notice the effects of trauma so well that I can spot it in the stories or lives of others. Yesterday watching the new BBC series 'Life in Squares' about the Bloomsbury Group, it suddenly occurred to me that the reason that the writer Virginia Woolf suffered from such debilitating depression was maybe due to a traumatic incident in childhood. Nothing in the series indicated that fact. It was purely from the evidence of her early struggles with mental illness, the triggering of severe relapses by the death of her parents (which I read about subsequently) and something about the strict Victorian upbringing which the series so clearly shows, which stultified the two women.

The Victorians were notorious for their sexually strict morals (outwardly) and the therefore unfortunate fact that many children were sexually abused in secret. What differs then of course was that no-one dare talk about it - Freud when he first declared that much of the neurosis he saw was due to sexual abuse of his clients as children scandalised Viennese society and he was forced to retract the idea and declare instead that these were children's fantasies (after all doesn't every child want to have sex with their parents??). Sadly these ideas were universally accepted as he was so influential no-one dared to disagree for many years. Even in the 1970's a standard psychiatric textbook declared incest to be so rare as to be unimportant and in any case had no significant effect on the child!* Today after the Jimmy Saville enquiry and the grooming of children in major UK cities we know differently..

Children are profoundly affected by such experiences, as well as lesser traumas such as being unloved or betrayed and the result, when their brains are still forming, is permanent dysfunction from subconsciously triggered traumatic memory. And, as my book makes clear this has very real physical results; dizziness (fainting), tinnitus, depression, migraines, panic attacks, irritable bowel syndrome and so on. These effects are real and they could be the basis of much mental and physical suffering including bipolar disorder which Virginia is believed to have suffered from.

I was incredibly saddened but also vindicated to read that she and her sister Vanessa, had indeed been abused by their half brothers, George and Gerald Duckworth, as she recalled in an essay ' A sketch of the Past' written in 1939. Could our current understanding of traumatic memory have saved her if she lived today?

Would Amy Winehouse be dead if she'd had trauma treatment rather than standard addiction detox therapy (the eponymous 'rehab' of her famous song). This relies on abstinence which deals with the effects of addiction but not the cause. As soon as the stress builds up again, the cravings return. Although she did not have abuse in her past, she most definitely had trauma - the divorce of her parents when she was 9, was, to a highly sensitive child, hugely significant. And then, in later life,  her father wasn't able to provide the boundaries she so needed. Add to that meeting a similar addictive, traumatised partner, and her death was assured. Trauma is no respecter of talent.

But would she and all the other people who have these hidden scars be healed now?  To be honest it's unclear whether this information has filtered down to mental health professionals, or certainly primary care where most people first report mental health issues. There is still much work to be done. I hope in writing my book, which details much of the science behind the stress response and how it relates to traumatic memory, will help elucidate this information to a sceptical public and other professionals. The science is there. It just hasn't been joined up sufficiently yet to be understandable within a specialised, fragmented medical model. I hope to redress that balance.

* Bessel van der Kolk, one of the worlds' leading figures in the study of trauma, read us an extract from the manual as part of my trauma training. It was mind-blowing.

Why whole grains may not be good for you after all

The problem with Grains

For many years I have believed that whole grains were part of a healthy diet and have swapped my processed cereal breakfast for an oat-based one I made myself with nuts and seeds that I added.. however I note my teeth are not in great health (and where the teeth are going the bones soon follow). I have had to have a root canal filling and the enamel is chipping. Recently I read an article that explained the problem.
Certain whole grains (especially oatmeal) contain a molecule called phytate that inhibits mineral uptake - it binds Phosphorous in a form that we then cannot use, Calcium which we need for healthy bones is then leached from the body and we get bone loss - unless we have enough Vitamin D and other fat -soluble vitamins.
High-phytate diets result in other mineral deficiencies too; Zinc, Magnesium and Iron are all inhibited. This would explain why my iron levels are low even though I eat a wholefoods diet.

Solutions

So what can we do? Well firstly we need to soak or sprout the grains first and if you are not prepared to do this then you need to swap a grain-based breakfast to one based on animal fats like egg and butter - it is interesting that absorbable calcium from bone broths and raw dairy products, and vitamin D from certain animal fats, can reduce the adverse effects of phytic acid. Get yourself a slow cooker to make your meals with meat on the bone..
Add Vitamin C to your diet to help iron absorption. Research shows that adding ascorbic acid significantly counteracted the effect s of phytic acid in wheat. Green leafy vegetable are best but of course if your gut is compromised you may have difficulty absorbing them. Once cooked they tend to lose most of their vitamin and mineral content so the best thing to do is to juice raw greens.. Adding Vitamin A and beta -carotene from coloured veg is also good - so add beets and/or carrots to your juice/blend..

Why now?

Why are we only now having this problem? Well it seems that humans do not produce enough phytase to safely consume large quantities of high-phytate foods on a regular basis because our gut flora are compromised (due to toxicity, spraying of foods, poor diets etc). We need them to produce the enzyme that digests phytates; phytase which makes the phosphorus available and reduces the mineral depleting qualities of the molecule.. One species of good bacteria in particular seems to help more than others; probiotic lactobacilli and other species of the endogenous digestive microflora can produce phytase. Thus, humans who have good intestinal flora will have an easier time with foods containing phytic acid. Increased production of phytase by the gut microflora explains why some volunteers can adjust to a high-phytate diet. Sprouting activates phytase, thus reducing phytic acid.
 
We need to sprout and soak our grains and eat more animal fats! Almost opposite to the advice we have been given for years. So eat your butter and yoghurt (which is semi-fermented making the milk less allergy inducing). If you eat meat, cook it slowly it on the bone and not frying in polyunsaturated oils - (vegetable oils). Use coconut oil, or olive oil. And, juice all you can.

For more information see http://www.westonaprice.org/health-topics/living-with-phytic-acid/
 

Mental health in the news

2 main stories in the news this morning highlight the huge differences in the way mental health is treated compared to physical health in the Western Medical model.
The first concerns the German co-pilot Andreas Lubitz who deliberately crashed a plane with 150 people on board. He apparently saw over 40 doctors in the two years leading to the crash, with clearly no-one able to help him. It is a sad testament to medicine that we fail someone who so clearly was crying out for help. We may have saved so many lives if he had been...

The second story is about how the NHS treats  mental health with the story that  A&E staff are failing to treat and condemning people who harm themselves. I can understand this as in the past I would have been the same. But after training in trauma therapy extensively I now recognise the drivers of cutting and self-harming acts - and why people are driven to do them. They are calming for people whose nervous systems are so geared to threat that cutting actually down-regulates (reduces) that threat by changing the hormone system balance. Most 'normal' people find that hard to understand (though we regularly engage in similar but less violent acts of numbing like shopping, drinking, TV watching, perfectionism and over-work). It just seems that our ignorance is costing lives as when the people who should know about this i.e professional health care workers, do not and treat people as time-wasters and malingerers.
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/jun/12/ae-staff-attitudes-to-patients-in-mental-health-crisis-often-shocking

Mental health is woefully underfunded and ignored. Where provision is provided it is patchy and far too often relies on inadequate pseudo-diagnostic criteria like ADHD and now a whole raft of new disorders based on certain displayed character traits (see the latest psychiatrists' manual the DSM-V for the full horror of these unproven, poorly researched 'diseases'). These categories tell us nothing about what is going on for the person with these symptoms - they are based on a system that rewards a diagnosis with insurance payout. They have nothing to do with what is really behind themMost of the problems we see in Western society are a result of spiritual disconnection, nutritional depletion and a poor understanding of how memory and trauma are encoded and treated.

As I meet more and more ordinary people who exhibit signs of mental distress - and these are the functioning ones, I begin to see this is the tip of the iceberg. We are so far from living health, joyful lives and our culture encourages disconnection via envy, money grabbing, celebrity culture, etc. We need to recognise we all need love and connection, and that includes self-love as well as that from others. We need to be recognised above all, for who we are as individuals and have loving, supporting relationships. This cannot be prescribed unfortunately, but when someone falls out of their ability to cope as many do, they need a caring and understanding health service that offers more than crisis support. The model of trauma resolution that I use allows people to recognise that their symptoms are a desperate attempt by the mindbody to keep them safe, even though it has become untenable in their adult lives it needs to be acknowledges where they have been, and how strong they are to have survived. We need to promote understanding of the inherent goodness and healing ability of people, not treat them as abhorrent weaklings whose problems need to be dismissed, medicated and covered up. There are answers out there, there are amazing new treatments not yet available on the NHS but they all require a totally new approach to health and healing which is self-acknowledging and driven. I look forward to the day when suffering such as this is a thing of the past.

Why is nutrition considered 'alternative medicine'?

Watched the first of this BBC series last night on I-player.

It looks at the range of private medicine on offer in Harley Street. It was interesting watching the doctors justifying working privately (some of them worked in the NHS and all of them were trained there). I have no problem with private medicine per se - it's that the standards are so much higher but it's not available for all. The same problem with private education of course.

My main issue though was with the fact that despite mentioning the large numbers of alternative practitioners who work in Harley street the programme failed to highlight any of them and instead focussed on the same narrow 'conventional' medical treatment plans including a lot of high tech chemotherapy and surgical interventions. And all were male interestingly.

It's the same old same old as far as I'm concerned.. no mention of what any of these people could do to help their treatment with lifestyle and diet changes, no mention of stress or inflammation as contributors to the conditions shown.  All seemed to believe in the magic bullet approach. One woman, who had underdone chemo and a lumpectomy was told 'that's all the cancer out of your body - you are now cancer-free!' Which of course was very emotional for her as she'd gone through months of hell with losing her hair and all the worry and fear of cancer. It seems churlish to point out that there is always cancer in your body, but a healthy immune system keeps it in check. There was no attempt to give her any advice on nutritional changes she could make to make sure it stayed that way. And her family's response was quite dysfunctional - as a student psychologist  I looked on in incredulity as they seemed to depend on her to stay well, clinging on to the notion of her survival like it was their life that was at stake. There's a story in that family of previous trauma for sure..

One lad came from Kuwait to be told he had a pituitary tumour that was threatening to take away his sight. No comment on the fact he was obese and needed to look at the role of excess weight in causing cancer. Surgery was the only thing on offer.

It was all so depressing.. I DO have a lot of respect for the skill of the surgeons and the wonderful technology that we now have at our disposal (if we have the money it seems). Also,  I understand people want to have their pain taken away. But our approach now in the west is so disempowering of the individual. It takes away everything that we can do to help ourselves. And it makes vast profits for the biomedical industry it supports.

Why oh why is something as basic as nutrition considered alternative? It makes no sense to me.
Just yesterday I was advising a client on dietary changes she can make to help her acid reflux. Very common in women, particularly over the age of 50 as the hydrochloric acid in your stomach decreases which opens up the valve to the oesophagus causing reflux, amongst other things. The problem usually isn't too much acid as you will be told by the doctor. It's the opposite. I recommend this article to read on the subject by the reliably good and evidence-based Doctor Mercola. So, you end up being prescribed drugs that reduce your HCl further and... hey presto.. it get's worse.. It beggars belief really. Anyhow if any of you out there in bloggerville are interested then please see my links and my website (and social media links). I try to keep it positive, but sometimes.. Grrrrr...
There I've finished now.

Perpetual student of wellbeing

Well I said 2014 would be the year of consolidation in my life: i.e.I would do no more courses for a while and concentrate on building my business. This has happened but  I must be honest and say I haven't given up studying completely. I have been doing a trauma treatment course by Dr Janina Fisher which looks at various models of trauma and how to overcome it. It's monthly by webinar and has been very instructive as the other students seem to be mostly psychologists and have a particular language and terminology that I don't always follow (not having studied psychology formally at university). But I have begun to pick up some useful tips about operating within the 'window of tolerance' with neither hyper or hypoarousal and thus being able to function well in the world which is the goal of every person but sometimes goes awry in children subject to relational (and other) trauma

 

I am also looking at Shame and Vulnerability by doing a self-study course with my favourite shame researcher (are there others??) Brene Brown. She runs a video based course here I am, as you see, a perpetual student.

 

But finally 2015 has come around and I wish to increase my credibility with my clients by obtaining a PhD. This isn't an easy task as you might guess as the area I am working in is not that common and my approach is not strictly psychological or medical. I am instead in the 'no-man's land' of being in a holistic field which rigidly defends its position as being research-based and yet if the research does no fit the current paradigm it is not accepted. So, I am having to go a bit 'off-piste' and do my research privately via a PhD registered in India. my study is going to be looking a the common trauma of everyday childhood experiences which, in some sensitive children, causes them to develop symptoms akin to PTSD. We don't have a name for this yet although common PTSD has been mooted by psychiatrists. I believe I am a someone who has this in my history, and it would explain a lot about my reactions to events in my life and my physical symptoms of Chronic Fatigue and depression. I would like to investigate this link by creating a questionnaire to be given to volunteers who suffer from  any of the CFS style conditions including any sort of Chronic Pain (which has lasted for more than 3 months). I am developing the questionnaire at the moment. I am hoping to be ready to send this out to groups and individual by the end of May. I have set up a page on my website devoted to it to give potential respondents more information, If you know anyone who might be interested in taking part in the study please direct them to this page for more information.

So, at the end of the study I should have more information on what the common factors in the personal history of sufferers is. I will keep you updated as I develop this further.